India Diaries 1

I return to this blog after over a month of radio silence. As Karttik drew to a close, academic demands picked up and I found myself unable to maintain many of my favorite activities & practices, let alone this blog. As soon as the semester ended I dashed away to India where I’ve spent the last three weeks, mostly offline, immersed in chanting, hearing, and visiting holy places. It was quite a changing experience, perhaps even a turning point in my spiritual life, in ways that I’m barely beginning to understand. I spent two-plus weeks in Vrindavan and four days in Mumbai at Sri Sri Radha Gopinath Mandir. Both experiences were deeply affecting, although in quite different ways. This was my first time in India, but that simple geographical fact wasn’t what made my experiences so powerful. The spiritual potency of these places themselves – and of the people there – is bound to impact anyone who travels to the Holy Dham, no matter one’s level of consciousness. It’s said that spending a fortnight in Vrindavan creates a lasting impression, and that was certainly my experience.

These entries will begin to elaborate in some of these impressions in a way that sheds some light on my experiences, and hopefully provides a meaningful experience for the reader as well. These entries largely adapted from my diaries and correspondence over the last three weeks. Even though it was only three weeks, it was an extremely busy time internally, so far more than three weeks worth of material was generated! (I am normally a very internal person, but even I had a hard time keeping up with it all) Not all of the accompanying photos are mine; I don’t really like to take pictures as I travel, preferring instead to be “in the moment,” but many others do! As always, share and comment responsibly.

Nearing the End

It’s nearly the end of Karttika. These last several days have been a bit more challenging. Even though I felt like I was getting adequate nutrition before, last week I just started feeling very low energy in the evenings. I’ve ended up taking ekadasi-style prasad in the evenings but I still go to bed hungry. It’s weird. I’m trying to tell myself that in just a few days I’ll be able to eat normally but I kind of want to just fill my body now. I was thinking about maybe trying to follow the Bhisma-Pancaka vows but this is definitely not the year for that. It’s enough to be trying to observe Karttika with these vratas (around food, meditation, writing, and kindness) while in a very tough time academically. I’m not in a place to be able to study and meditate on the story of Bhisma, much less follow such an intense vrata.
Speaking of vratas. Even though I’m an Enneagram 1, it turns out that I’m not so good at keeping vows! This blog has obviously not been quite a daily endeavor, and there were a good handful of days when I ate more than one meal due to family/social engagements or due to paper-writing-induced exhaustion. I still feel okay about my vratas and mood for Karttika, though, because when I didn’t quite follow what I had laid out, it was with good intentions.

These Days

These are times that try men’s souls. – Thomas Paine, 1776

 

Lord, let my soul be proven faithful to You.

Let me be as faithful to You as dust to a magnet.

Let me be as faithful to You as the dark side of the moon.

for, Lord, I am lost and do not know in which direction to turn.

Where shall I seek You, Lord?

Shall I seek You in my own works? My own ability? My own striving?

Shall I seek You in the smiles and embraces of friends?

Shall I seek You in the joy of a newly turned page,

of the sun wind in my hair,

of cold running stream water?

Shall I seek You in a dark night of prayer and crying? 

Where shall I seek myself?

I am in the pebbles at the bottom of the stream,

In the roots of trees,

In the damp handkerchiefs and half-forgotten notes of friendship,

In the moment of awakening.

Where I am, You are.

Where You are not, I am lost.

A woman must place her heart in God, so that a man must seek God to find her.

I must place my heart in You, O Lord, so that I must seek You to find myself.

Where my heart truly rises, Lord, it is in Your grace, not in my own striving.

Let all my achievements be stricken,

Let my aspirations turn to dust, 

Let my legs be broken, Lord,

But leave my voice and my heart so that I may cry for You.

Let me lose myself to find You.

Without you, I cannot be.

Let me be as faithful to you as the dark side of the moon, Lord,

for without You, I would have no light.

A Visit to the Temple

I’m writing this on my way back from Govardhan Puja festival at my temple in New York. It was a really lovely festival, embedded in the monthly six hour kirtan. There were many new faces but it was so nice to greet and embrace so many friends while I was there. This summer I went to the temple two or three days a week but now I’m lucky to go once a month. And, indeed, I am lucky. It really makes my heart full to enter the abode of Sri Sri Radha Muralidhara, perhaps especially when it’s a rarity! I’ve grown to like my worship and lifestyle at college, and see the merits in not traveling too much, but appreciate having enough space in my schedule to be able to spontaneously make a temple trip occasionally.

I think I’ve figured out an acceptable answer to this question of what the Govardhan Lila is about. I’m not surprised that this is what I came up with, because I often take this meditation on holy days. It’s also only a part of the meaning and majesty of the Govardhan Lila, of course, but it’s working for me right now. Without further ado: the Govardhan Lila enabled a deeply intimate expression of community, with all of the Vrajabasis together in a full week of joyous and loving mutual exchanges. They were all expressing their different sentiments for Krishna freely (even the gopikas who are normally more elusive!) and were supporting each other.

This, I think, is the model for a spiritual community. When we come together, it’s a refuge from the world. We try to support and encourage each others’ expressions of service to God and each others’ emotional, spiritual, and relational health. We share similar goals but tend to differ on how those should be expressed (in this example, the mothers and fathers are not thrilled with their daughters’ crushes on Krishna, or how their sons run around playing with Him and making trouble all the time). Yet when God is present in a community, it’s when we’re trying to appreciate and support each other with honesty, sincerity, and love.

=^.^=

Musings on Govardhan

Happy Govardhan Utsav!

Govardhan Utsav (also called Annakuta) marks the day during the sacred month of Karttika when, at Krishna’s persuasion, the Vrajabasis made an offering to Govardhan Hill in place of their annual Indra-yagna.

I find this story incredibly confusing and wanted to try to unpack it a little. It’s funny; Govardhan and Giriraj figure so prominently within Vaishnav worship, but the actual Govardhan lila is, on the face of it, very very strange. The Vrajabasis, all farmers and cowherds, are going to make an offering to Lord Indra out of gratitude and appreciation for his provision of weather appropriate for their livelihoods. Krishna somehow persuades His father, Nanda, who is the head of the village, to make the offering to Govardhan instead, and the Vrajabasis comply out of love. Krishna is Himself Govardhan, so it is He who is accepting the offerings. It’s recounted as quite an astonishing scene: Gopal Krishna and all the Vrajabasis make massive offerings of food to Govardhan, which is Krishna, while Giriraj, who is also both Govardhan and Krishna, appears to eat them.

The Meaning of Diwali: Love, Justice, and Community

Excerpted from a post originally published on the Huffington Post. Read more (and comment responsibly) here.

Today is Diwali, the Hindu festival of lights. It’s a holiday celebrating the triumph of good over evil, of justice over injustice, of…

To be honest, these phrases, rolling so easily off the tongue in answer to the inquisitive questions of onlookers, feel rather hollow. There are a lot of holidays that celebrate the triumph of good over evil; this is an inherent part of the human religious experience. What is it that’s special about Diwali?

Although many stories and themes are celebrated at Diwali, the story of Rama’s return to Ayodhya is at its heart. It’s from the story of Rama that we draw the theme of celebrating the triumph of goodness and justice at Diwali. The Ramayana chronicles the return of Rama to Ayodhya after 14 years of exile and a war to boot. Rama was exiled at the instigation of his stepmother, motivated by fear and misguided love and went to live in the forest with his wife and brother, desiring to uphold his word and his honor rather than to take the throne under conditions of animosity. During the last year of their exile, his wife was abducted by the powerful but greedy king of Lanka, Ravana and with the help of other forest dwellers, including the armies of monkeys and bears, Rama and Lakshman searched the earth for Sita and initiated a massive war on her behalf. Rama’s victory and return to Ayodhya thus represents a triumph over fear, envy, greed, and lust. Although Rama is a prince, and is often glorified in quite martial terms, it’s not by simple physical strength, or even yogic siddhis, that success is won. The victory of Rama’s cause is made possible by the power of faith and love.

Miserliness of Heart (Karttika 2012)

Well, I’m back. Back at Princeton, back to “life,” and back to myself, a little bit. The last week has been very rough, psychologically, and since arriving on campus I’ve tried to gain a little more groundedness and perspective. A lot of my problems come from not appreciating my actual situation and living instead in fear of the prospect of all the things I have to do – especially the ones I’m not so keen on. I spoke this evening with a friend about finding gratitude, and how to make yourself happiness. I want to think a little bit more about this question of gratitude.

Gratitude is the opposite of fear; it’s the opposite of false pride; it’s the opposite of resentment. It’s the identical twin of humility, or so I believed when I’ve felt these twin emotions. (not sure if they are emotions or some other hal?) It’s an appreciation of reality, not simply in the sense of appreciating the good (that can become trite) but in the sense of appreciating what is with a sense of fullness and, well, awareness.